I believe I truly know what it feels like to have met my soulmate.

Jeremy was in a wedding tonight and we had a blast! I love my husband so, so, so much. And he always says the right things at the right times and always makes my heart swell with love.

For examples, the other day I was feeling gloomy about the fact that I'm still not pregnant. He told me that having children will not define our relationship and that no matter what, we have each other.

I'm so damn lucky.

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School has been busy. Discipline has been okay. Blah blah blah. Nothing exciting is happening. There's always friend drama. But I've learned that's life.

I went to my OB/GYN two weeks ago. She tested my thyroids (which are fine) and she told me that I need to use ovulation predictor strips (which I did AND got a positive!) for the next three months. If I'm not pregnant in three months, they're going to do a sperm analysis on Jeremy and check for tubal blockage on me. But she said that six months is not at all a time to worry since I was on birth control for so long. It felt nice to confirm that everything seems to be okay and that we're still with normal ranges.

I'm about six days past ovulation, and I'm due to start next weekend, so *shrugs* I guess we'll see.

Now. Pictures.

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We're going to a Halloween party tonight. I'm going to be Little Red Riding Hood and Jeremy will be the Big Bad Wolf. I will DEFINITELY post pictures here tomorrow or during the week. Tootles, bitches.

Deep sigh.

So. This is what it feels like to be a first year teacher suffering from the first year blues, huh? I'm feeling down and out. I'm feeling down right discouraged.

I give assignments...they disregard them.
I give punishwork...they refuse to do it.
I yell...they don't shut up.
I try to using a caring and quiet voice to tell them to be quiet...still don't shut up.
I'm nice...they're assholes.
I'm a bitch...they're assholes.
I call the office to tell them a kid has NyQuil on him and he's discussing it with his peers. He get suspended...and now the kids are saying he's come back and essentially looked for revenge. Drugs of any kind used to spell expulsion. I guess not anymore.
I call the office because a child straight up tells me he's going to get "high as a kite" tomorrow because he hates my class. They take him in the hall...then the cops and administration send him right back for him to continue disrupting my class.

Yesterday, we had six fights before 8AM. We were on lockdown for three hours. They found two guns on campus, but the school didnt tell the teachers that. They denied it. The only reason I know is because my father in law knows a cop who told HIM that.

There's no clear captain of our ship. The principal has been there for far too long and he's tired. Which is fine, but our ship is sinking and he needs to get the fuck off because he's bringing us ALL down.

I'm discouraged, guys. I spend hours and hours every week planning, preparing, and grading only to have them not do my work or straight up fail it.

I feel like I'm drowning.

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I'm also not pregnant. Hello, Cycle 6 of trying.

It's been raining for almost a week now.

I really thought that during my six week break, I would spend a ton of time on LJ. Sadly, this is not what happened. I don't even know what I did with the last six weeks. It feels like I was just panicking about finding out where I would be student teaching...now, I'm starting student teaching in just two days!

I went last Wednesday to introduce myself to the four classes my teacher has. (This is not a normal amount, usually the teachers have at the very least five classes--usually six. Mrs. A, though, has only four because she used to coach so one of her hours was for coaching stuff. She gave up coaching, so now it's only those four classes.) Anyway, I got there early not knowing that it was a morning activity day (gives times for clubs and what not to meet.) So we talked for a while about what we'll be doing for the semester and she also mentioned the teacher retiring. She was kind of edging around, trying to feel me out to see if I'd actually want to take a job there. When I showed interest, she started talking about how she might be moving over to another subject area at the school, so that would leave two English spots open. She confirmed that the other teacher is retiring, so it's looking better and better that I might be able to take a job there.

I didn't tell her that I already knew about the other teacher retiring since the principal told me not to say anything--and Mrs. A is actually pretty good friends with our principal. I'm trying to make the best impression that I can, here!

Anyway, I had a great time introducing myself--the students had a bazillion questions to ask me, and one of them told me she can tell that I'm going to be a teacher that's "hard" on her students, and she liked that. Yippee! My young looks might not make it impossible for me to impose discipline after all! When I start on Wednesday, I'll "team teach" with Mrs. A, and then we'll gradually let me take over after about a two-three weeks. Exciting!

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Oh. I also saw a picture of a lady who had triplets...and her stomach was destroyed. Which lead me to start freaking about how my own body will look after I have a baby. Then I read a comment from a man saying that his wife's body disgusted him so much two months after her having their baby that he feels no desire toward her. Yay. That really made me feel better. I realize that two weeks after having a baby, my body WILL NOT look like it does right now, but I'm petrified that it will look disgusting after months and that Jeremy will be disgusted by me. I AM SCARED, I NEED REASSURANCE.

Also, I have no friends to talk to about how excited I am to start trying for a baby in July/August. No one to talk to about the things that worry me about getting pregnant/being pregnant/after pregnancy. No one but Jeremy, and he's a man and this will be his first kid too, so yeh. He's sort of useless in this situation.

I'm also scared that he'll be working five days a week out of town and we'll only have weekends to give the baby-making a go.


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