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It's the most dreaded time ever, and of course it comes right before the blessed summer break.
I can't wait until summer. I can't wait to wake up and NOT have to worry about school, or the amount of money I spend EVERY week on gas because of school.
Friday is our last day, then I have finals Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. Then I'm done.
I'm desperately trying not to stress out, but I can't stand how teachers pile on the crap at the very end. You have two class periods to finish a huge project, or two days to read a novel. That kinda thing. It's getting kinda out of hand.
But! I finished my project for my online class and all I have left to do is study for the final which is Monday. But...then I have a project in my mapping class to finish, plus a project in my Visual Basic class to finish. All due by Friday.
You know what really gets me? When there's road construction and the cones are so far over in your lane that you have to go off the side of the road. And the shoulder is nothing but gravel so it makes it hard to maintain control of your car. I get to drive through that every morning and afternoon because [of course] they're redoing HWY 190 now instead of when the summer starts.
You know, sometimes I wish I was still that person I was two years ago. That person who never gave a damn, that person who was always happy. I wish with all my might I could be like that again. I want to be carefree and happy. I just wish, wish, wish I could be like that again. I'm hoping once I graduate from school this December and I no longer have to worry about cramming for that last minute test or worry about the stupid drama as a waitress I'll be like that again.
But I'm hoping that I can change a little bit this summer, and let less things bother me and try to see the greatness in ever situation.
- Location:room
- Mood:
calm - Music:the cars driving around outside
In other news, last night Jeremy talked to his dad's friend who owns apartments by their house..and he said that they're $475 a month. This, my friends, is a REALLY good price. He said the electricity bill is normally only 40 or so dollars. I'm going to call him when I get out of class to see what's he got. I'm really anxious to move now that my mom has brought up the plan to let our neighbor, whom I can't STAND, live with us for a while. She has two small daughters and they alone would drive me batty. But the neighbor.. oh she's something. I just don't think our trailer is big enough for THAT many people. It's comfy just the way it is. I hate knowing that I'm pretty much being thrown from the nest--even though she keeps saying, "You don't have to go, you don't have to go." The fact that she's probably going to get kicked off of the land we live on is putting even more pressure on me. Strangely enough, though, I'm not really worried. I'm handing over everything and just saying, what's going to happen will. I don't think God will put me through anything I can't handle.. (Strange that I say that when I wouldn't even take what that man was passing out, huh?) I'm really strange when it comes to religion. I don't even think we should have organized religion, but I seriously doubt that now is the time to go into that.
Exciting news: I just have FOUR classes to take and I'll be finished with school! Down side--two of those classes are in the spring, two are in the fall. But! I get the summer off, I'm pretty psyched about that. Some beach, some where, here I come!
- Location:school--upstairs lab
- Mood: amused
- Music:meriwether
I looked into apartments. There are many options, but I have no idea what to do with those options. I found one aparatment that had two full baths and two bedrooms with all appliances and all that jazz for 550/mo. HOWEVER, I, once again, don't have a roommate. I know if I had to I could afford this, but since I don't absolutely have to...I don't think I'll accept the offer when they call next month.
I did have a roommate, Holly was going to move in with me. But she decided she wanted to get a dog for Christmas and that apartment complex didn't allow pets, so yep that's how that went.
My mom's boyfriend has been coming over more and more, and he's really nice...but I can't seem to feel just...blank while talking to him. He's a stranger, and he's sitting where my dad used to sit and taking up the place my dad used to be. I just.. can't get used to it.
School is throughly kicking my ass. I'm tired of it. I have so much homework to do over the weekend I don't even want to BEGIN to think about it. My Access class meets this Saturday. I have to do this assignment in there where we make a data base and base it on a particular disease we found interesting. I did it on OCD (Obsessive Complusive Disorder)--it's so much harder than you think. I have to collect 10 websites that are about OCD and have a physical address and phone number and such. Uh hello, time consuming. Not to mention the actual assignment itself. Oh blah.
I've been so cranky lately. I hate it. I want to be happy, but I'm SO damn tired from school I feel like I can't function.
Let me start doing the damn work in Excel before my teacher starts loading more assignments on and I get lost.
- Location:Excel class
- Mood:
tired - Music:blahhhh
Last night I was really feeling depressed. I've been like that the last week or so. [PMS is stupid] So anyway, last night I was blubbering away. I mean sobbing, for no reason at all. And I just kept telling Jeremy I was sad. I wanted to spend the day with him today--but he was going fishing. Which I knew, but then there was the chance that he wasn't going. So I, like a moron, got my hopes up and started planning things for us to do. He calls me after he gets off of work and told me that he WAS going. So then I was all down and out. And for the rest of the time on the phone I was feeling crappy. Well anyway, we got off the phone around 10:15. I fell asleep right after that--then my phoen starts ringing at about 10:55. It was Jeremy, he was calling to make sure I was alright. Now, he NEVER does that. When we get off the phone, he goes to sleep and that's the end of that. It meant SO much to me. He kept telling me how much he loved me and he asked me if made me happy that he called to check on me. It really, really did. Now, I was half asleep so I didn't really know what to say, but when I woke up and remembered it made me feel so awesome. I think I fell in love all over again :D
So far midterm grades are as followed:
Economics - B
GIS - A
Microword - B
I'm still not sure about Access and Excel, but I should have a B in each of those classes. I say that's good enough, even though I need to pick up the grades so I at least have 3 A's.
Blah, well, I guess I can stop putting it off and get to Opelousas and start looking for apartments...
- Location:computer lab
- Mood: cheerful
- Music:the people talking around me
Thursday in my business english class I realized that we had a paper due...and I had not a clue about it. So I talked to my teacher and told him I was going to turn it in late. I went to his office on Friday and he wasn't there and wouldn't be there until AFTER I left school. So I never got to turn in my paper yet. My friends who took him before said that it's not a big deal because normally he just lets you turn it in later..but still I'm nervous to turn it in Monday. What if he doesn't take it??
Anyway, today I'm going shopping with my mom and sister. This is a very rare occurrence. She never wants to do anything with either of us. I'm not sure where this aboutface has come from, but I'm down for shopping anytime :D
Life has been fairly boring. I made about 350 dollars between Thursday, Friday, and all day Saturday. I'm pretty psyched. I think I'm going to treat myself to a Victoria Secret bra ;]
As for my parents--I really don't know what's going on with that. They seem to get along fairly ok--however, he still sleeps on the couch and she still comes in at 2 in the morning. I don't know what they're going to do... if anything. But I can't possibly think it can continue as it is and still all be well. [sigh]
- Location:Congested land.
- Mood:
kinda sick, i think - Music:Jarhead in the living room.
I can't help it though. I just can't get death and depressing stuff off my mind.
It's not as bad now, but it still randomly hits me. I think I'm just scared to have someone else be taking away--but this time closer. Sigh.
In other news, this morning on the way to school a farmer was moving his cows across the street and I found this extremely hilarious--and I'm not exactly sure why. I just kept thinking, "Wow, I really do live out in the country."
Argh, it's 1:30AM and I just don't want to go to bed. The pull of exhaustion is there--but I don't want to give in. I'd rather sit here and strain my eyes that much more ;]
School is being a bitter whore. I have gobs of homework to finish up this weekend. Looks like that's what I'll be doing all day tomorrow and Sunday. Gee golly, and I wait so anxiously for the weekend.
Tonight at work I decided I clearly do not want kids for at least 4 years. There's a group of adults who come in with their insanely annoying kids at least once a week. The parents to do NOT once so ever discipline their kids. They refer to one of the waitresses as "the mean lady" because she told the woman to get her baby off the floor because he was directly in our way and there was a high chance of hot pizza landing square on him. They don't like us, we don't like them. But STILL they come in. I don't think I have detested kids as much as I detest those little animals.
Since you're here...( One day I hope to look back at it all and think, )
- Mood:
blank - Music:How High... that movie is awesome!
It's Saturday morning, and I'm mostly definitely up at 7:50AM because I have class at 9AM. BLAH! It sucks. :[
Yesterday I went through my Myspace blogs. All the way back to the very first one I ever wrote on there. I cried a little. There were some about Matt, some about Tommie, some about the second Matt..and a lot about Jeremy. It made me remember how very much I do love and appreciate having him. Jesus, he's an incredible guy. Monday when me, his mom, sister, and cousin went shopping--I fell in love with the perfect wedding dress. [No, we aren't engaged] I just.. wow, it was beautiful. It's definitely what I want.
Since I got a new laptop I lost all my songs, now I'm struggling to compose a library again. Feel free to offer music ideas.
I'm feeling better lately. Less thought given to death, more to life and how much you have to appreciate it. Sometimes I still think about him, it pulls me down because I still can't believe he's really dead. I guess a lot of that plays in because I hadn't seen him in so long. So I just kinda think...he's somewhere around I just haven't seen him lately. It's a frustrating conflict in my mind. One part knows the other part denies.
I really don't want to leave for school right now. I mean, it's not really hard. I've been trying to keep up with it and what not. Trying to keep ahead, but this whole Saturday class thing is a killer. Well, I better get going before I'm late because I wanted to play around on LJ.
I've been watching your world from a far
I've been trying to be where you are
...
To me, you're strange and you're beautiful
[Leave comments that have artist/songs in them :D]
- Mood:
awake - Music:Strange and Beautiful Aqua Lung
I've actually been okay. I didn't go to the funeral.. all I needed was to see him in the casket. To know that it was real, that I hadn't dreamed up the whole thing. Even though sometimes it hits me, Matt Cormier is dead. He's gone. It's scary as hell to know that someone can just.. have the life sucked out of them. Like I said in my entry before.. we're just mere humans. As much as we like to think that we are an incredible species.. we are just as fragile as the next organism.
It's been three days I've been working on this entry and never time I get to finish because I don't have time or I'm getting off the 'net, but here I am to finish it. I don't really know what to say anymore. I'm still getting hit by random tidbits of the things he said to me, the things we talked about, things we did. Just random things. Nothing of real importance, just things I had long forgotten about. It's weird how the human mind works like that.
It's frustrating to have death on the mind so much. I want to be happy--and I have been the last two days, but still.. it creeps in and I just get all bummed again.
And if that's not enough to frustrate the average human being, school started this week. I swear this was the longest week of my entire life. And last night didn't help a damn thing. Once again drama at Pizza Shack erupted, but it was NOT my fault. A random comment turned into a huge argument that had end results of getting majorly bitched out by our manager. Urgh.
BUT! Finally, this week has come to a close. Thank goodness, tomorrow morning I get to sleep passed 7:30. OH yes! I have waited for sleep since last Saturday.
- Mood:
dirty - Music:the whir of the ceiling fan
Finals
CSC-A
ISDS-A
ACCTING-A
SOCI-A
MATH-B
GPA: 3.8
I really did it! I can't beleive I did so well this semester. I said I was going to do it, but I didn't think I'd be able to follow through with it.
So I have lots to say and a few new pictures to post, so I guess I'll have a few lj-cuts.
( Rants 'cause I do it best )
Oh yay for pictures! We've been going wakeboarding every Wednesday since school let out, it's great. [Well, I don't wakeboard, but the others do lol]
( I have a new camera! OH BABY! )
Mmm, it's good to be back.
What's up all of my LJ friends?
- Mood: cheerful
- Music:TV
I'm so nervous to see what I made on my last math test.
I'm so scared that I failed it.
I hate being nervous.
Speaking of being totally and completely nervous...
Finals are next week. Yes, in mere days I'll be so stressed out I won't be able to think.
Oh wait, I ALREADY am that stressed.
I wake up at 6:15 every other day. I do the school thing ALL day.
Come home, go to work.
On my weekdays I'm up at 7:30 to bring my sister to school.
If I dont have work that afternoon, I'm picking her up.
I'm going crazy. I'm tired.
I don't want to do homework.
I need to complain, so I'm complaining here.
Everything has been pushing me over the edge.
Even my friends are annoying me.
I hate when I get like that.
It's the lack of sleep.
It gets to me everrrrry time.
I want a bed.
I want my boyfriend besides me.
I want to cuddle and sleep so hard I won't hear the alarm that goes off.
I love that.
- Location:the couch thats making my butt sweat
- Mood:
stressed - Music:The George Lopez Show
I made a 75 C on that math test.
I have a 78.9% in that class.
One more test.
All I want is a B in that class.
Talk.
You can even Myspace me
Just keep me entertained, pleaseeee.
- Location:;adlfkjad
- Mood:
bored to tears
Oh dear.
Midterm week is next week.
I'm fried from studying.
I woke up at 11. Showered, ate. And I've been studying since.
I'm sick of it.
I can't look at another study guide for an hour.
I gotta have a break!!
We've been arguing about fishing a lot, but nothing dramatic and life shattering.
I complain; I get over it.
I've been able to spend a little more time with him, so I feel a LOT better.
That's what I was missinig the most, was just the little times we spent together. After work, laying in his bed struggling to stay awake.. just there in each other's arms.
I was able to have that last night and it made me feel 293847329874 x's better.
As for all that drama?
It's whatever.
People talk.
People think what they want.
And a lot of people.. you can't trust.
It sucks that that last lesson is something you keep repeating for the rest of your life, but oh well, it's something you have to deal with.
It's so sunny and pretty outside. I can't wait til summer!
- Mood: cheerful
Psht. Anyway. I've had two really grumpy days. I want tomorrow to be a happy day.
Yesterday I was cranky cause Jeremy didn't get back from fishing until 6 o'clock. We went to the fair like he promised we would--but we ended up leaving before we even saw Cupid because we rode with his parents. I hate riding with other people for that reason. I was actually supposed to meet up with some of my friends..but I couldn't because we left. Uh. Bummer.
Today was even more lame because of those stupid drunks/trashy people who came in and DIDN'T LEAVE ANY TIPS. Gosh, people, why are you being so lame. I've been cranky/emotional for like.. 2 weeks now. I don't know what's my problem. I think I'm letting school get to me again. I get like this EVERY semester. It's so lame.
Sunday night I worked with the girl that Jeremy used to like, and Jeremy. I felt like a horrible person because for the longest time I couldn't even speak to her. Then my manager made me feel like an ass. He was like.. you gotta get over it or you'll ruin your relationship. But I don't know. It's not that I dislike HER as a person it's like.. I don't trust her. I wouldn't leave Jeremy alone with her for a long time even if she has a boyfriend. It sounds wrong and all that blah blah, but I guess I'm just a teeny bit jealous. It's whatever. By the end of the night we were talking about stuff and I wasn't freaking out as much anymore. I did cry on the way home though because I felt like such an ass.. and I'm worried I'm just not good enough for Jeremy. But whatever he cured those fears and now I'm trying to get over it. Hopefully I can do it.
I'm exhausted. I really am. I didn't get home until 12 last night--then I got up 7:30, 8, then 8:30. I kept setting my alarm for 30 minutes longer heh. I can't wait the summer. I'm ready for tanning oil, chlorine, and fishing (gasp, yes I actually want to go fishing!). I'm readyyyyyyy. BRING IT ON SUMMER, BRING IT ONNN :]
NOTE: The most disgusting thing in the world--to hear your parents talking about their sex life. Gag.
( Vanity, it's a sin you know. )
- Mood:
cranky - Music:Dangerous Ying Yang Twins
School: I made a 92/92 on my accounting test. Hell yes! However, I'm not so sure I did so great on my math test. I really hate math. But after this semester I get the sneaky feeling I'll at least have a good working relationship with it. Between accouting and math I feel like my whole life is about numbers. Well, my school life anyway. My other three classes are going pretty good too. I mean, two of them are computer classes and one of them is a crap class about drugs and society. Which turned out to be a class about how my teacher used to be a drug head *shrugs* it's easy.
Life: Life is pretty good. I have to get my wisdom teeth pulled probably next month. And I'm probably getting braces this summer. Which means I'll probably have braces next year for my 21st birthday. But oh well, I'll have a beautiful smile :]
Me and my parents have been getting along as well as expected. I mean, we argue but it isn't nearly as bad as it used to be. Me and my real dad though. I don't know what's up with that. I called him a few weeks ago to ask him if I could get on his insurance so that I can get braces and my wisdom teeth pulled. Ever since then he's been acting funny. When he talks to me he talks to me for only a couple of minutes then hangs up with me. It's like I've asked too much of him. Hello. You're my dad. That means you're supposed to do things for me. Regardless of if it takes up time out of your oh so "busy" schedule.
Love: After that last journal entry, I really have been being a better person. I haven't been as snappy and what not. I think it might have just been all bottled up. And uh yeh I was getting pretty irratated with the fact that we hadn't done anything in three weeks because he's been fishing. I had been wanting to go do SOMETHING, anything..other than staying home, but he didn't want because he was too tired or going to be tired for fishing. But last night we went do something, and it was so nice. We got back to his house and I definitely fell asleep in his arms in the recliner. After we discussed what size ring I wear and how badly I want a ring. Even though I know he's not going to buy me one, it's fun to think about when he does. I can't wait to have just a ring, not an engagement ring or anything, on my finger and be like, "Yeh, Jeremy got me this because he loves me *BIG SMILE*" I'm a cheeseball.
Argh. I really have to clean my room and work on some homework.
I don't really feel like it.
I really need to get batteries for my camera.
I just worked out and my legs feel all weak because I never work out..and my abs are going to be sore...and I'm SO going to love it.
I want a supremely hot body for the summer.
ANDOOOOH. I found a bikini at VICTORIA SECRET, for FOURTEEN DOLLARS!! Can we say mine?
Yes, we can :]
- Mood: cheerful
