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I'm taking Tamiflu because I got the flu. Well, the stuff makes you have stomach cramps and makes you have nightmares and can even make you have like fits of uncontrolled anger. The ONLY reason I'm still taking it is because I want to feel better for Tuesday. That's when we leave for New Orleans :]. But yeh--that Tamiflu crap--man, I'm not too sure about it. Eh.
Saturday night my mom called me at work and told me that my dad's dad (well, my stepdad) had clasped while visiting family in Florida and that they thought he had had a stroke. Well, about an hour later, my dad calls me and tells me he's on his way to Florida to go meet them. He told me that it wasn't look too good and that they were saying if he lived he would be paralyzed on the right side and wouldn't be able to talk. Saturday morning my dad called me to tell me that he had died and he started to cry. It broke my heart into a billion pieces. My poor dad :/ But what really made me feel bad was that I didn't cry. I haven't cried. And I know it's because I wasn't close to them anymore and.. I don't know. I just feel terrible that I haven't even cried. I feel so incredibly bad for my dad. And I won't even be there for my dad for the funeral because I'll be in New Orleans. Honestly though, I don't think I could handle another funeral. Matt just died 5 months ago. When I was in the 7th grade, both of my grandfathers died. Before that my mom had a baby girl who died. I just.. man, I can't do funerals anymore. It's just too much death. Especially since sometimes I still struggle to except that Matt's dead.
Blah.
Good news: Tonight we're going eat out for Jeremy's birthday and Kasey's coming sleep over. Tomorrow Kasey, Allie and I are going shopping and I'm getting my nails done and getting Jeremy his cookie cake for his 21st birthday :] I'm so ready to give him his surprise tonigggght :]
- Location:the living rooooom
- Mood:
calm - Music:I'm watching ANTM
Ah, it feels good to be LJ'ing pretty regularly now.
Can someone tell me why people from my past always pop up at unexpected moments and expect me to forget everything they ever did.. and like them and talk to them? I don't understand this little phenomenon that happens upon me quite often. A few weeks ago an ex best friend tried talking to me after she did some very disgraceful things when our ex boyfriend died. Yes, I said our because while we were best friends she started dating him two days after he broke up with me. But you know what? That's not what bothered me. What bothered me was when he died she told me in a very, very ugly way. I swore never to speak to her again.. and I basically told her that.
A few weeks ago she tells me on Myspace that she's moving to Baton Rouge (with is about two hours from where I live) and that we should go party. I didn't even answer her back. Why bother? An ex-boyfriend this morning started telling me about his family problems. Hey, guess what guys? I'm not the Robyn from three years ago who forgives and forgets. I'm sorry, I can't do that anymore.
Sometimes I feel like a failure as a friend. One of my friends is having a pretty rough time.. but I can't find the words or means to console her anymore. I see the solution in my mind, clear as day--but you can't make someone do what they themselves don't feel is right. It's hard seeing someone like that, so amazing, so strong.. crumpling under all the pressures of life.. and realizing there's absolutely nothing you can do...
On the subject of friends. There's a girl I've been friends with since seriously 7th grade. Through high school we lost touch, but our senior year we started getting close again. Well, she met a guy. This guy is in no way shape or form the "perfect" guy. He screwed her over.. they broke up. She swore not to be with him again. Few months passed, she was with him again.. a few more months and they were engaged. And I stopped seeing her because he's the type of guy that keeps a girl from seeing her friends. Well, they're married now, and she isn't the person I used to know. She was always loud, outgoing and so friendly. Now she almost seems.. passive. She doesn't say much, she's just kinda like.. eh whatever.
How do people change THAT drastically for the worst?
And then, you know, there's always the friend that acts like they have your best interest at heart, but in reality they are just so jealous of you it's sickening. Hah.
I wanna make love in this club
Sadly enough, I think I'm obsessed with that song.
New Orleans bound in just 4 days!
I can't wait!!
- Location:computer desk
- Mood: cheerful
- Music:Make Love in This Club Usher
Blah. I have a horrible headache and I think I have the flu :[
I go to New Orleans next week! I have to be better. So, blah I'm going to the doctor this afternoon. I hope the stupid appointment and/or medicine doesn't cost too much. I definitely don't have insurance :/
I've missed two days of school, how crappy, I might have to miss more. I can't wait til next week. It'll finally be spring break and I'll be AWAY from school. It's stressing me out. Between that and working two jobs I think that's why I'm getting sick so much this year. I'm way too busy. I don't have enough time to let my body fight off whatever is that I get myself into.
Jeremy and I made two years last Friday. I think it's amazing that he's stuck with me this long, haha.
Oh yeh, and as always there's drama at my place of employment. Even Jeremy agrees now, girls just don't like me.
- Location:bed
- Mood:
blah - Music:A Haunting
Work is making me want to punch someone in the face. People have been unusually rude. On top of that, the girls I work with have been extra catty lately. People I believed to be my friends are now turning out to be more like enemies, and people that I really, really didn't like are turning out to be not so bad after all.
I've reached the point that I really just don't care anymore who gets mad at me. Everything I do over there pisses SOMEone off. No matter what it is. I make someone mad. So I've just given up. I'm not trying to please anyone anymore. I'm here, take it or leave it; it doesn't really matter anymore.
Tonight my manager said, "That's the third time tonight you've been a bitch."
Oh sweet. He's such a jerk. Argh. I can't even begin to explain.
And then, yesterday one of the girls asked me to switch tonight and next Sunday because she wasn't feeling well and didn't think she'd be able to work today. Though we don't necessarily always get a long, I said sure, I'll do that for you. I mean, she's sick. Well, tonight, guess who comes strolling through the door with her boyfriend? I didn't even connect it at first then it dawned on me that she had asked for off because she wasn't feeling well. I didn't want to start any kind of drama, so I didn't say anything--then she was like, "Oh thanks SO much for taking my spot--I feel better today!" I looked at her and said, "Well, I'm glad you were so sick that you could come in and eat tonight," with the biggest smile on my face. It seriously pissed me off. Even if she was feeling better, she should have considered the fact that she had asked me to work for her and NOT gone over there to eat.
Why must people be so damn stupid?
- Location:kitchen
- Mood:
cranky - Music:the whir of the computer
