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Blah. I have a horrible headache and I think I have the flu :[
I go to New Orleans next week! I have to be better. So, blah I'm going to the doctor this afternoon. I hope the stupid appointment and/or medicine doesn't cost too much. I definitely don't have insurance :/
I've missed two days of school, how crappy, I might have to miss more. I can't wait til next week. It'll finally be spring break and I'll be AWAY from school. It's stressing me out. Between that and working two jobs I think that's why I'm getting sick so much this year. I'm way too busy. I don't have enough time to let my body fight off whatever is that I get myself into.
Jeremy and I made two years last Friday. I think it's amazing that he's stuck with me this long, haha.
Oh yeh, and as always there's drama at my place of employment. Even Jeremy agrees now, girls just don't like me.
- Location:bed
- Mood:
blah - Music:A Haunting
I've actually been okay. I didn't go to the funeral.. all I needed was to see him in the casket. To know that it was real, that I hadn't dreamed up the whole thing. Even though sometimes it hits me, Matt Cormier is dead. He's gone. It's scary as hell to know that someone can just.. have the life sucked out of them. Like I said in my entry before.. we're just mere humans. As much as we like to think that we are an incredible species.. we are just as fragile as the next organism.
It's been three days I've been working on this entry and never time I get to finish because I don't have time or I'm getting off the 'net, but here I am to finish it. I don't really know what to say anymore. I'm still getting hit by random tidbits of the things he said to me, the things we talked about, things we did. Just random things. Nothing of real importance, just things I had long forgotten about. It's weird how the human mind works like that.
It's frustrating to have death on the mind so much. I want to be happy--and I have been the last two days, but still.. it creeps in and I just get all bummed again.
And if that's not enough to frustrate the average human being, school started this week. I swear this was the longest week of my entire life. And last night didn't help a damn thing. Once again drama at Pizza Shack erupted, but it was NOT my fault. A random comment turned into a huge argument that had end results of getting majorly bitched out by our manager. Urgh.
BUT! Finally, this week has come to a close. Thank goodness, tomorrow morning I get to sleep passed 7:30. OH yes! I have waited for sleep since last Saturday.
- Mood:
dirty - Music:the whir of the ceiling fan
Only there isn't a fight. There's me against them. There is no "we" against them. Nope. It's Robyn vs. All the Girls She Works With.
[WARNING: A lot of this is going to be a rant, so get ready.]
It started way back when. With Jeremy's cousin, Casey, to be exact. I talked a lot of shit on her, that's a given. But like--at the same time she knew about it. I told her mostly all of what I said. [I admit, I did say things I shouldn't have, but don't we all? I'm not justifying it, I'm being HONEST] Anyway. So apparently people were CALLING her to tell her "exactly" what I was saying. What a wonder, it wasn't what I was actually saying--part truths thrown in a mix of nothingness. So she writes a blog about me. It was bitchy, pointless--and yes we argued. But then we got over it. Everything was fine. I go to work, I get off. And I have a text message. I read it. It's from another one of the girls telling me that we don't have to like each other we just need to settle the drama--apparently I'm accusing her of all kinda of stuff [refer to my last entry, that's where I tell the story of the split shifts]. I told a few people that I thought that maybe two of the other waitresses told our manager that they didn't think it was fair about me working all day. I didn't ACCUSE anyone of anything. Well, bam, that's exactly what the text said. I'm accusing her of going talk to our manager and blah blah blah. So I just said I was sorry and I was tired of the drama, too. I thought that was over.
Oh dear, it WASN'T. I went to work yesterday--and one of the people who was telling Casey what I was saying was working. And so was Casey. I didn't care though, it's over. Why make a big deal? Well she overheard me and Casey talking about the drama with the Text Message Girl--and assumed that we were talking about her [Assume and you make and ass out of you and me]. So she's like, look, if you have something to say to me, say it to me. I was like wtfffff. I was like dude, I don't have a problem with you blah blah blah. So again, I thought things were over. [I don't think I should think anymore.]
Tonight Jeremys parents had a fish fry, he had to work but I went anyway [hahah his grandma DID say I'm apart of the family ;)] He called me and asked me to bring them so fish, so I did. When I got there it was Text Message Girl, Girl Who Asked Me If I Didn't Like Her, and then another waitress who was gone this whole week whom I'm JUST getting to be close with since we had problems in the beginning. I felt SO weird. Everyone seemed to have been talking about me. [You know that feeling] I asked the girl who's been gone if she was mad at me and she said no, that people talk shit all the time and she just didn't care anymore. Which didn't encourage me much. It made me feel like she really didn't mean that. Blah. I didn't say ANYTHING bad about her. I've been talking all good things about her. Well, Jeremy got home from work and told me that Text Girl and Are You Mad At Me Girl were talking about me right in front of him. But he couldn't hear what they were saying. And the other girl had asked Jeremy what was going on because it sounded like I was making shit with everyone.
I'm so frustrated. I don't know what to do with myself. I hate getting to work and just feeling like the whole place was talking about me. Aren't they doing exactly what they're accusing me of doing? That's the worst part. Everyone's talking about how I was talking about such and such--but hey GUESS WHAT? I wasn't the only one saying stuff. The only person I really talked about was Casey. And you know she actually really knew it. I'm sick of this. EVERYWHERE I go, I swear, I always get turned into the bad guy.
This is why I hate girls. I can't believe this is such a disaster. I actually just want to cry. I hate people not liking me. I try so hard. It's like everyone wanted to find someone to throw their shit on, and boom, I was there. And obviously people talk about me a lot more than I thought. I hate it. I hate the hypocrisy of it. I mean what is there to do in a situation like this? I'm trying so hard to make nice with everyone. And people are STILL talking shit behind my back. I KNOW I shouldn't have said anything about anyone--but I did. I can't take it back, I can't fix it.
Moral of the story: Watch who you talk to.
- Mood:
discouraged - Music:uhh it's on shuffle
So I definitely skipped school today. I actually didn't really WANT to skip school, but the weather was supposed to be really terrible on my way to school, so I opted for staying home and watching The Craft and yes, Mean Girls. I have a sick obsession with that movie. I can sit there and recite lines. It's really bad, really. Anyway, I skipped--and ultimately, it didn't even RAIN here. Well, it drizzled, but I don't think that counts for the floods that I skipped for. So I stayed home in bed watching movies, then eventually got up and went out into the disgusting weather that loves to eat hair for breakfast, or for our particular case, lunch. Ew. Bad hair weather.
AD;FKJA;DFLKJ.
Videos of this ridiculously cute puppy named, Honey, coming soooooooon.
Yeh the one I wanted really bad but my parents wouldn't allow me to have.
Guess what?
Jeremy and his parents kept her =]
PS>>This Saturday is his birthday. I can't wait! I love these kinda things. I love to give gifts and watch people SMILE huge and hug me. It makes me feel all giggly inside.
- Location:adf;akdjf;
- Mood:
happy/anxious/always worrying. - Music:uh.. tv/ rain
Oh dear.
Midterm week is next week.
I'm fried from studying.
I woke up at 11. Showered, ate. And I've been studying since.
I'm sick of it.
I can't look at another study guide for an hour.
I gotta have a break!!
We've been arguing about fishing a lot, but nothing dramatic and life shattering.
I complain; I get over it.
I've been able to spend a little more time with him, so I feel a LOT better.
That's what I was missinig the most, was just the little times we spent together. After work, laying in his bed struggling to stay awake.. just there in each other's arms.
I was able to have that last night and it made me feel 293847329874 x's better.
As for all that drama?
It's whatever.
People talk.
People think what they want.
And a lot of people.. you can't trust.
It sucks that that last lesson is something you keep repeating for the rest of your life, but oh well, it's something you have to deal with.
It's so sunny and pretty outside. I can't wait til summer!
- Mood: cheerful
