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I'm so tired, when I'm walking around campus I'm really not thinking that I'm moving. I'm on autopilot.
Here's some key points in my life that I may or may not explain after I type them. Who knows how I'll feel after typing a few sentences.
+ I have a second job. I work a little boutique my friend's sister owns.
+ My roommates boyfriend has a warrant out for his arrest.
+ I have finals next week.
+ I'm getting my wisdom teeth pulled on the 17th.
+ I have decided that all fake people need to be purged from my life and I need to stop playing their game and just ignore there asses.
+ I have three essays and a paper to write--and I can barely think I'm so tired.
*le sigh*
I typed that, I sat there for a moment and stared. I want to continue typing. I need to get some of this stuff out of my head. Maybe I'll feel lighter and a lot less stressed. I wish.
I'm overwhelmed. I'm stressed. I want to just sleep and.. I don't even know.
Last night at work I was sure I'd burst into tears at any second. I was just having a bad night, and everyone I tried to talk to either made fun of me or just told me to stop complaining because there was nothing I could do about it. So, I just stopped talking. I didn't talk to anyone but my tables. I didn't want to talk. I didn't find a need to talk. Nobody would listen anyway. One of the girls I worked with pretends to listen but I got so fed up with her generic response of "Oh really?!" That I was pretty sure I'd kick her in the face.
I think I want to run away to Jamaica. I asked Jeremy if anyone would care---he said some people would. Damnit.
- Location:computer lab
- Mood:
irate - Music:none
There's so much going on in my family life. I don't even know where to begin. I'm irked. Really bad, by this girl who lives across the yard in a trailer my grandmother rents out. I get so irratated by the fact that my mom spends so much time with her. Talks to her all the time. She never bothers to make time for me anymore. Hell yes I'm jealous. Hell yes I want that girl to move far from here. If you knew her, you'd say the same thing. She makes me mad. I think she's telling my mom I've been skipping class to go see Jeremy. Well, SOMEONE has been telling her that. I haven't skipped a day all semester except for last Wednesday. I only skipped because the weather was supposed to be bad. Let me tell you, I was pissed. I think she'd be the only one to tell my mom that. And believe me, it's pushing me to the end of my rope. I can't stand her. I REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY don't like her. REALLY.
My emotions have been draining me lately. I've been so angry. So hurt by everything. I don't know what to do with myself. I need spring break--now. I need a break from studying, from doing homework, from worrying about grades. I need to spend a whole week in Jeremy's arms, but I CAN'T because our spring breaks are different. And I'm worrying. I always worry. I'm worrying about him going to Grande Isle for his spring break. I'm going to miss him terribly and worry CONSTANTLY until he comes back. Oh jeez, I'm giving myself a headache just thinking about it.
Someone give me tips, fast. I need to be told what the hell to do with myself.
I keep having dreams about being kidnapped. I looked it up online, and this is what it said it means:
To dream that you are being kidnapped, denotes feelings of being trapped and restricted. Someone or some situation may be diverting your concentration and your attention away from your goals.
I've seriously have about 4 dreams total in the last two weeks about being kidnapped. Each time it's different. First time, I was somewhere.. dark.. and they kidnapped me and held me in a dark, scary room. Then just let me go. Second one, we were living in a haunted house--and these women kidnapped me and wouldn't let me go home..then someone saved me. Third one..I can't remember, but there was a third one. The fourth one was the other night. I was living in the country--where there was like.. nothing. And this man just kidnapped me. I didn't think I would ever make it back home, but once again.. they let me go.
What the hell huh?
I hate dreams that keep coming back.
It bothers me.
OMG. My dog won't stop barking because of that stupid girls kids. I'M LOSING MY MIND I'M SO DAMN ANGRY ALL THE TIME. I'M STAYING WITH A HEADACHE. I CAN'T SEEM TO THINK ABOUT ANYTHING BUT ALL THIS NEGATIVITY.
I need those tips on how to get over being so damn angry right now.
- Mood:
discontent - Music:These Tables are Number for a Reason-- P@tD
I would say a good bit has been going on. I've been extremely busy with work and the holidays. I have to say--I am quite disappointed that they're over. I really like that time of the year. People are just.. happier. Speaking of being happy-I don't know what's been up with me lately. I've been all out of it. I think it's because I've been having a stupid stomach ache for a week. I think it it has to do with my stupid wisdom teeth coming in. Gr. Today, me and the boyfriend had bit of a row. Simply=I got mad at the lady at Movie Gallery, so I told her something, I walked out and when Jeremy came to get in the car he was, shall we say, a teensy bit livid. He was mad because I get mad and can't control what I do or say. It's a problem I've BEEN working on--it's just hard. My temper is completely horrific. Really. I can't rein it in. I don't know what's wrong with me. Imbalance, prehaps?
On top of that, I've been worrying lately. About what you ask? I don't know, just everything. I worry about me and Jeremy, which there isn't a reason for me to. I worry about school, which there isn't a reason for that either, I just need to buckle down and do what needs to be done. I can't shake that stupid feeling like I'm failing. Like I've been thrown in a river and can't get to either bank and I'm slowly drowning. I get like this every once in a while. Then it just kinda goes away. I suppose this happens to everyone--I'm just such a drama queen it seems worse for me.
My iPod is bad ass. I love it. I don't know how I ever did without it. Really.
Argh, I'm about to go to work. I want to go make money but I'm really not in the mood to go work.
I need a cool, fun thing to go do on a date with Jeremy this weekend. I feel like we're doing the same lame things over and over. Help with that.
Come home, won't you come back home?
...
It comes and goes, yeh, it comes and goes
( You've got what it takes to set me free )
- Location:aaaaaadlkfj
- Mood:
worried - Music:Say It Right-Nelly Furtado
